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Courage to Change

Self-esteem grows when I love and accept myself as I am. I block my own well-being each time I base my self-worth on what I do or what others think of me. If I could please all the people on the earth, if I could “straighten everyone out” and remedy all the difficulties they face, if I could make the world a perfect place—even then, I probably still would not feel good about myself. Indeed, I would have had to give up all of my “self” to accomplish this impossible task. I cannot be perfect. I cannot make others perfect. Yet I am worthy of love, respect, and joy. Let me remind myself each day that I am the child of a perfect Higher Power. That, in itself, commands respect —my respect—for the miraculous “self” I have been given. When I hold this at the forefront of my mind, I will not give up my “self” in the course of any endeavor.  

Today, when faced with choices, I will opt for the path that enhances my self-esteem.  

“I am learning to live a full life, one in which I like and care for the person I am.”

From the book Courage to Change © Copyright Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 1992

Photo by Michael Schofield on Unsplash

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Keep it Simple

Make yourself an honest [person], and then you may be sure that there is one rascal less in the world.      — Thomas Carlyle

Honesty does not mean saying all we think or feel. Many of our thoughts and feelings are only with us for a minute. They are not always the truth. For example, saying to someone you love, “I hate you!” in the middle of an argument can destroy things.

Honesty means living by what is true to us. Then we choose when and how to say things to others.

Think of honesty as the air we breathe; it’s what keeps us alive, but it can get polluted and kill. It must be treated with respect and care.

Prayer for the Day: Higher Power, help me know the power of honesty. Help me speak it with care and respect.

Action for the Day: Before I speak today I’ll ask myself: “Is this true? Am I speaking because this needs to be said?”

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Courage to Change

 “When we talk of tomorrow,” says a Chinese proverb, “the gods laugh.” They laugh, I believe, not because they find us ridiculous, but because they know the future is not predictable. Thus we have no choice but to live one day at a time. I can make plans, but I cannot determine the results. No amount of scheming about next week can control what will happen then. Circumstances will be different, and I myself will be different as well. I can further compress the focus of this slogan to address one hour at a time, or even one minute at a time. In such small increments, life begins to feel not only bearable but precious. At any given moment, no matter what is going on, if I concentrate on being right here, right now, I know that I am fine.

Today’s Reminder

My worst fears about tomorrow need not affect this day. By letting them go, I am free to grow. What bad habit can I change today? What fear can I face? What joy can I acknowledge? What good fortune, no matter how modest, can I celebrate?

All I have is today.

Let me make today the most fully alive day I have ever experienced.

“Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself.” — The Bible

From the book Courage to Change

© Copyright Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 1992

Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

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The 12 Mis-steps

Here they are:

1. Start missing meetings for any reason, real or imaginary. 
2. Become critical of the methods used by other members who may not agree with you in everything. 
3. Nurse the idea that someday, somehow, you can drink again and become a controlled drinker. 
4. Let the other fellow do the 12th Step work in your group. You are too busy. 
5. Become conscious of your S.A.A. length of sobriety and view every new member with a skeptical, jaundiced eye. 
6. Become so pleased with your own views of the program that you consider yourself an “elder statesman.” 
7. Start a small clique within your own group, composed only of a few members who see eye-to-eye with you. 
8. Tell the new member in confidence that you yourself do not take certain of the 12 Steps seriously. 
9. Let your mind dwell more and more on how much you are helping others rather than on how much the program is helping you. 
10. If an unfortunate member has a slip, drop him at once. 
11. Cultivate the habit of borrowing money from other members; then stay away from meetings to avoid embarrassment. 
12. Look upon the 24-hour plan as vital to new members, but not for yourself. YOU have outgrown the need of that long, long ago.

Photo by Nico Smit on Unsplash

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Courage to Change

When I take the Seventh Step (“Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings”), I calmly ask for help. I don’t beg or demand; I neither grovel nor puff myself up. I needn’t demean myself, and I have no one to impress. I am simply accepting my place in my relationship with my Higher Power, no more, no less. True humility should never be humiliating. Instead, I can feel honored to take my rightful place in the wonderful partnership I am developing with the God of my understanding.

Humility is said to be perpetual quietness of heart. It means that I do my part and trust God to take care of the rest. Although I may not know how my help will come, I can remain serene. All I have to do is to ask my Higher Power for healing.

Today, when I ask my Higher Power to remove my shortcomings, I will try to do so with a peaceful heart. “Humility will help us see ourselves in true perspective and keep our minds open to the truth.”

From the book Courage to Change © Copyright Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 1992

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Jail & Prison Inmate Resources

SAA Fellows have varying degrees of consequences from their acting out. This document lists SAA resources for those who had, or may have, legal consequences. This list of resources was put together by ReyG of the Southern California Intergroup (LA). You can find a copy of the resources here: https://scisaa.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/SAA_resources_legal_2Mar2023.pdf. If you know a fellow who would benefit from any of these resources please mention this post and document to them.

Rey is very active in prisoner outreach in the State of California. You can find more information about prisoner outreach here: https://scisaa.org/prisoner-outreach/.

Thank you for your service, Rey!

Photo by Tingey Injury Law Firm on Unsplash

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Latest Issue of The Outer Circle

This issue focuses on the theme “From Shame to Grace.” The Board also shares important information about the future of the Conference and convention.

The current issue of The Outer Circle can be found here: https://saa-recovery.org/wp-content/uploads/TheOuterCircleNewsletter.pdf. This issue, as well as past archives, may also be downloaded here: https://saa-recovery.org/toc

The Outer Circle relies on article submissions from recovering sex addicts. Please read the Submission Guidelines on page 31, and consider writing an article for the newsletter! You can also submit articles online at https://saa-recovery.org/tocsubmission/

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OCI Intergroup Business Meeting – Agenda

Here’s the agenda topics for the meeting May 8/24 at 6:30pm:

  • Would more groups donate to us if they knew what we were doing? Should we be doing outreach to the various other groups?
  • Review the template to be used for recording minutes
  • There was a discussion of maintaining 2 retreats per year and focusing one on the 12 Steps. We’ll table this discussion until after the workshop. (Which is now over)
  • Outreach and participation at conferences

All are welcome to participate!

OCISAA Intergroup Business Meeting: 6:30pm-7:30pm, 2nd Wednesday of each month
Location: Zoom, call or text for password
Contact: Ron – 949-297-6810

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Courage to Change

If I don’t know how to respond to a situation today, why not try responding with kindness? Whether I accept or turn down a request, agree or disagree with someone’s point of view, I can still treat the other person with respect and courtesy. I can say, “No,” as gently and lovingly as I can say, “Yes.”

Today, I can honor my decisions without being defensive because I respect my right to make the best decisions I can. Even when others are not happy with those decisions, I can behave in a way that feels good for me. Others have a right to disagree, to feel differently, to be disappointed. I can respect that right and still stick to my principles. Relationships are complicated because people are complicated. We each have our own ideas, values, and hopes, and they can’t always coincide with the desires of those we love. Disagreements can be healthy and enlightening if we view them as a way to develop and deepen our relationships. Kindness and respect for everyone concerned will go a long way toward making this possible.  

Today I will try to view every conflict as an opportunity to heal. I will honor myself by responding with courtesy.   “The highest form of wisdom is kindness.” The Talmud  

— From the book Courage to Change

Photo by Oliver Cole on Unsplash